The Emasculation of Homosexuality 

Hello again,

If you know me well, or if you’ve just read some of my posts, you’ll know that one of the most important things to me is equality. Whether it be regarding age, race, sexuality, you name it. I’ve always had this passionate urge to project just how important equality is. I remember being very young and feeling so irritated when seeing someone being outcast from a group, yet I’ve always been terrible with confrontation. It’s an irritating combination.

My family may make the odd comment or eye roll if I make a remark when they’re not being politically correct about something. But being uptight is the last thing I want to come across as. A lot of people have cast a wrong shade of light on to political correctness; they see it as walking on eggshells. Let’s face facts – no one can be politically correct all of the time, and in this day and age, some people just love to be offended about everything and anything and preach about it. But I don’t think ensuring that what you’re saying doesn’t single anyone out is treading on eggshells. No one deserves to feel unequal, no matter the extremity (or lack of) of the situation.

So I’ve taken advantage of the small following of my fashion blog to occasionally ramble on about things that are important to me. One of which, as I mentioned, is equality. That is top of the list, for sure…

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A topic that occurs every now and then in my friends and I’s conversations is why people feel the need to prejudge others on their sexuality. It’s a very out of date action, if you ask me. I feel that we’ve made strong progress as a society, but there is so much progression still yet to come. One thing that I’ve noticed is that LGBT+ face so much ignorance almost every day – no matter where they fall on the spectrum…

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What baffles me recently is the emasculation of homosexuality within men, and why it is still a thing. (While we’re at it, why was it even a thing in the first place?) When people think of a homosexual man, chances are they may think of a femininised male, one that may be classed as weaker as opposed to a straight male – or “camp” if you will – and in general, less of a man, (mainly due to how the media portrays homosexual characters or individuals), all because of their sexual orientation. When you physically put it into words, it does hit you how ridiculous it is. I genuinely had to stop for a minute, then. And while we’re at it, trans men are also no less of a man, either.

What bothers me the most is when society speak of the LGBT community as a different species, or mentally ill. Some may excuse these attitudes as “a generation gap”. No – you may have been brought up and socially conditioned to think these things of the community, but that does not mean you are immune to adapting to the times as they change around you. You are not “stuck in your ways” – you’re being selfishly ignorant, and just downright old fashioned… I may be a fan of all things vintage visually, but close minded attitudes – not so much.

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I must admit that I was slightly anxious to express my feelings about this on such a public platform, due to fears of being unable to get my point across correctly, or failing to do the topic justice. Therefore, I decided to anonymously interview three of my male friends that all fall somewhere on the LGBT+ spectrum, and their different experiences and outlooks.


 

Participant A

Question 1: Do you find that people acted differently towards you once you came out or expressed your attraction to the same sex? Any examples as to how?

Answer:

Well, my coming out was the weirdest; it was in school and I told someone that I thought I trusted and it back fired. Coming in the next day and having everyone coming up to you saying “Oh my god, are you gay!?” etc. was a little intense. It was hard, especially having it all hit you at school at a young age – The reaction was divided.

One side was: “You’re my gay best friend, hehe”

Others were: “We already knew, was no surprise”, and you can imagine the other reactions I got: “faggot”, “gay boy”, and the rest…

When I first came out, it was hard for me to express my attraction for boys. I mean, I’ve loved boys ever since watching young Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic at the age of 3 – I certainly knew. I kept it hidden – of course I didn’t know what the hell it meant, and I never felt comfortable expressing my crushes but now it’s like, “ugh he’s so hot” and I let everyone know about it.


 

Question 2: Do you believe we are progressing towards not emasculating homosexuality?

Answer:

Hmmmm, I love this one. I’m torn; we’ve come so far with accepting homosexuality, but not far enough. There still is so much aggression and hate towards the LGBT community and it worries me. 

It’s hard to me to be seen as a man because I’m interested in things seen as “feminine”, such as having a passion for makeup and wearing clothing “tailored” for a woman. I’m still a man regardless of my interests and sexuality – I shouldn’t be seen any less than your average Joe.

 I appreciate shows such as RuPaul’s Drag Race for making drag mainstream and showing the world these powerful men displaying their talent to the fullest, and touching on the queen’s struggle with sexuality – I admire the show for that.

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Question 3: Do you find that bisexuality is seen as an invalid sexuality within men?

Answer:

Oh my – 100%. People find it so hard to believe. I think it’s the same with women as well, but people say, “You only go one way or the other, you’re just greedy if you’re bi”. Nah, that’s not how it works, hun – It’s so ignorant, I believe as a society we’ve become so wrapped up in labels and being this and that, but we also use labels to feel inclusive and a part of something, so just let people be who they want and love who they want.


 

Question 4: How about women? Do they receive the same treatment?

Answer:

There’s hatred to gay people across the board, but somehow straight men love watching lesbian porn, but as soon as they see two gay men holding hands it’s the end of the world.

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Question 5: What is your most hated common perspective when it comes to those being unaccepting of others because of who they are attracted to?

Answer:

There is so many – Where do I start? Somehow, every straight man I’ve come across assumes that I want them, and trust me I don’t wanna get on my knees for you. That’s the worst, then they’re like,

“So do you think I’m hot? It means more if it’s from a gay guy?”

What am I meant to say to that?


 

Question 6: If you could project one message to those who are unaccepting of others, what would it be?

Answer:

I would say, get your head out of your ass. Enter the 21st century. Look around – everyone is different – EVERYONE. If you don’t get someone for how they choose to live their life and it isn’t hurting you, then leave it – Don’t discourage and hinder their path in life. Focus on yours and being a good person; there is too much hate in this world. This is not a nice time for anyone, so do your little bit by being a good person, and try putting yourself in my shoes: Being belittled since the age of 7, judged for being a little bit different and not fitting the mould, so just remember next time when you choose to voice your ignorance on someone, remember the impact.


Participant B

Question 1: Do you find that people acted differently towards you once you came out or expressed your attraction to the same sex? Any examples as to how?

Answer:

Yeah, guys tend to be more wary, like you’re going to try and suck their dick if they make eye contact with you. When particular girls found out, they suddenly began to treat me nicely like we had something in common, even though we previously were not friends. Neither were particularly bad – just a weird transition.


 

Question 2: Do you believe we are progressing towards not emasculating homosexuality?

Answer:

Not in the slightest; look at TV and look at the way we present homosexuality. Very rarely do we see homosexuality and not have a overly camp character. Additionally, we’re told that men who hang out with girls or talk a certain way or don’t play sport are homosexual. We’re told this from such a young age through media and our parents. Sure, acceptance is better, but I couldn’t come to terms with my own sexuality because I didn’t fit the “symptoms” that society had told me I should suffer with. I’ve been clever there, as I genuinely think we’re told to accept sexuality like a disability or mental health issue, rather than treating homosexual men as equal to straight.


Question 3: Do you find that bisexuality is seen as an invalid sexuality within men?

Answer:

I think it’s seen as more legitimate with men than it is women (as men see it as some weird sexual fantasy), but it’s seen as invalid across genders by quite a lot of people. Quite frankly it doesn’t bother me, I’ve always been confused of how others are not sexually attracted to both genders. It’s difficult to accept yourself when people are telling you that your sexual orientation isn’t good enough for them. I think people want things in black and white, they’re unable to see situations as anything between.


 

Question 4: How about women? Do they receive the same treatment?

Answer:

Of course they don’t! Like I previously stated, bisexuality is often used in porn to tap into the straight male fantasy. Bisexual and lesbian women clearly face constant objectification, I think men have it slightly easier as we never get that. I’ve never kissed a guy in a club and had a bunch of girls surround us like some weird peep show – I feel like that’s a reality for many lesbian women when they’re in town.

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Question 5: What is your most hated common perspective when it comes to those being unaccepting of others because of who they are attracted to?

Answer:

Went into a gay club with friends once and they all started loudly stating “I’m not gay, don’t bum me”. Nobody was interested in them, nobody approached them, they just said it.

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Question 6: If you could project one message to those who are unaccepting of others, what would it be?

Answer:

If you truly are confident with your sexuality, why do you see other’s as such a big issue?


Participant C

Question 1: Do you find that people acted differently towards you once you came out or expressed your attraction to the same sex? Any examples as to how?

Answer:

When I came out as gay, some of the girls in my year acted differently, spoke to me less and kinda just avoided me really, and when I came out as trans I felt that my mum felt kinda of awkward around me; we didn’t speak as much and it felt kinda weird for a while. My dad’s been very awkward about it as well and feels weird around him, too.


Question 2: Do you believe we are progressing towards not emasculating homosexuality?

Answer:

Honestly, I feel like we’re very stuck with the emasculation of homosexuality; I think we’re at a point where being gay is mostly accepted, but it’s still seen as less of a man or being very feminine. Obviously there’s nothing wrong with being feminine, but to be seen as a “proper” man you have to be very masculine.


Question 3: Do you find that bisexuality is seen as an invalid sexuality within men?

Answer:

Yes for sure – you never see it really talked about within the gay community, just see straight and gay, really.


Question 4: How about women? Do they receive the same treatment?

Answer:

Bisexuality in women is sexualised by men, and I think whenever someone who is bisexual is in a relationship with the opposite sex it’s – “oh so you’re straight now” or the same sex – “oh so you’re gay now” like they swap their sexuality around rather than having a valid sexuality.


Question 5: What is your most hated common perspective when it comes to those being unaccepting of others because of who they are attracted to?

Answer:

People thinking that a gay person fancies everyone they see is stupid; straight people don’t fancy everyone they see, why would it be different for gay people? And also, the assumption that every gay man is camp.


Question 6: If you could project one message to those who are unaccepting of others, what would it be?

Answer:

Fuck off. No I’m joking.

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At the end of the day, no matter what, you should have the right to love and to be yourself. Everyone is on this same shitty planet, and hating each other for things we can’t help just makes things worse – love everyone no matter what.


Thank you to all of the participants for sharing their experiences and opinions.

At the end of the day, diversity should be celebrated and welcomed – not refused, resisted or rejected. Who you love or who you are doesn’t dictate or hinder your masculinity, and it’s crazy that some are still living with this perspective etched into their heads.

Was Alan Turing less of a man because of his homosexuality? It is also rumoured that Leonardo DiVinci was gay – how about him? It simply isn’t a pick-and-choose situation – acceptance and open mindedness needs to be across the board.


I may have gone on a little, but I hope this blog post has been somewhat insightful to the progression that still needs to be made concerning these issues, as the insiders clearly demonstrate…

To finish, I thought I’d leave you with one of my favourite quotes.

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Thanks for reading | Lucy Violet x

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